I don't talk about this often, if ever much publicly. I mean, I do but not in the extent of which I'm going to go here here. Growing up, I've always had a complex with how I look. I was tall, lanky and have always have an athletic physique. The teasing was endless but now, as I dance gracefully into my mid thirties, I'm realizing I'm a lot more cautious about what I put into my body. Up until about five or so years ago, I really gave no fucks about what I ate or drank for that matter. My metabolism was high, my lifestyle was busy, my job was demanding. It just made sense to eat whatever to keep going (and have fun) but oh, man. I did not take into consideration my body would eventually house four complete human beings, two at the same time no less and all within a decade.
After my twins, my body bounced back pretty quick. Mainly because my twins were born premature so my body didn't get the , uh, "full experience" of full term. The same can not be said for the last two. The "full experience" was an understatement. There became a period where I was absolutely miserable. I felt like I couldn't go another day because my body was literally being stretched thin. Then two years after MJ was born, I started to get serious about working to get back in shape. I changed my diet, almost thought about becoming a vegan but realistically, that will never happen. Working out became second nature to me at one point and I really started to see major progress when BAM. "We're pregnant Eddie, bye bye". Which would only be funny if you've ever seen Katt Williams and his stand up comedy. I saved you the time and linked you the first reference I could find. Enjoy.
Anyways, Aerith came along and it was hard. I was not expecting to be pregnant again and now that she's here I am doubling down on my goals. I think a lot of people misinterpret why I'm so adamant about holding myself accountable and sorry to disappoint, but I'm not going to explain why I'm doing it either. I will say this, my entire life I have wanted to feel confident about myself. I mean, don't get me wrong I think I'm pretty fucking awesome but I've wanted to truly feel confident in myself, in every aspect and I know that I can because it's something I'm fighting pretty fucking hard to obtain. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually even...I've been a fucking mess for so long that I refuse to just get through life.
I want to live it!
I know the road is going to be long and I'll probably have more bad days than good but I'm still determined to look for the good in things. While most may be minor, I will still cherish them. I've been around so many miserable people and that aura that they give off, it's toxic and spreads like wildfire. I want no part of that. I want no part in being content in misery. What kind of life is that? I want to be grand and dramatic because that's who I am. It always has been. I'm just a weird ass kid from some now foreign town who grew up taming the beast and now the beast must be unleashed, through exercise and healthier (one step a time, people) eating. Also a shit load of positivity because the world definitely needs more of that. The amount of people suffering from depression is insane.
*Clears throat and stirs tea* Back in my day, I was a cheerleader. I'll spare you all the details but basically, I never thought I would be a person who wasn't happy. I mean, I have been called a beacon for happy and I want to get back to that. So I try to be the one spreading good vibes into everyone's ear holes. I mean, who doesn't love that guy, amirite?!