Rewind. Fast Forward. Play.

I can’t believe another year has gone by. It seems as if it all just started but to fair, I have been in what I feel is hyper speed for most of it. Before I begin this I need to just say, I’m not writing about this for sympathy but more because I feel like people have no fucking clue what I’ve endured. You have no idea the shit I have had to do to make it to the small spot I’m at right now. I know to a lot of you where I am in life ain’t shit and that’s cool. I’ll be the first to admit that I wish I could have done things majorly different but let me just tell you some of the things I’ve had to deal with this past year.

Around the summer of last year, I was struggling majorly financially. There were now six people in my household with only one of us working and the money was not enough for the amount of work. Try as hard as we might we ended up living in hotels with my newborn and my other three kids. I was hella fucking broke because every dime went to another night or week and I was lost. Absolutely fucking lost. Thank the stars for my dad and my friends in that time. I will never take for granted all the help they gave me to keep me on my feet. Even when they couldn’t help financially, they where there with encouraging words and gave me the drive I needed to get out of my pit of despair.

Eventually, I had to do the one thing I regret the most in my life and that’s let my kids go live with my mother for the summer so I could figure out how the fuck I was going to fix this. If you know me, you know that I needed to get my kids back ASAP. Yes, they drive me bat shit crazy but leaving them in the hands of someone else who is so beyond incapable of caring for them for a few months was my only option to try to better our lives.

Through all the hardships. I persisted. I picked my kids up a few weeks before they started school and we moved into a brand new place. It was nice, so nice and my kids were so proud. I was proud. I joke a lot about “adulting” and the like but I am a horrible fucking adult! Like, I was just not equipped to adult but I’ve managed to make it work. The girls are super excited about moving into a new home. I’m excited about having my own space again. As much as it all sucked, it’d do it all over again.

Life has really taught me a ton about myself recently and Its a good feeling to have the people who stuck by me though it all see me flourish and be proud.

I can’t wait to see what next year brings.