My Mindfulness


That's the sound I make when people start pushing my buttons. I'm not sure why, but lately I have been encountering people who want to intentionally set me off. I wouldn't have noticed it honestly if I wasn't practicing mindfulness. Practicing the art of understand and acknowledging ones feelings in the current moment has been an increasingly large part of my every day life now. Generally I bounce from thing to thing, never completing the first and only creating a mound of task to complete at the end of the day, all while being emotionally and mentally drained from over people-ing. It was really, really stressing me out.


Learning about mindfulness and how certain things, interactions and even places make me feel while I'm in the moment, it's helped me perceive things a bit differently. I've always been a very good vibe reader especially when interacting with other people. Unfortunately I felt deeply in tune with negativity because I was literally saturated in it. Everything around me suddenly became toxic. I let in too much negativity and it wore me down. Mentally, physically, especially emotionally. I was just an absolute wreck. Thankfully things have gotten better. This year alone I've learned to say "No" more to decrease my chances of becoming overwhelmed. The idea came from Kerri,  (@KerriQueen), she pinned a post last year which detailed things the year had taught her. The "saying no" idea struck me instantly because in that moment, I was feeling the overwhelming chaos I created by stretching myself too thin among friends, family and even myself. 

I've seen a significant level of stress dissipate. I still have other stressors I'm currently learning how to handle but being able to tell someone (especially myself) "no" and not feel negative emotions from that action, has made a noticeable difference. Which brings me back to being able to acknowledge certain traits of people that could potentially threaten my mindfulness. Since I have general anxiety that heightens in social settings, I try to pinpoint my triggers and to make sure I'm not just in my head. Which is extremely important. I also try not to over think, but that is easier said than done. Sometimes, I don't really know what to do with the situation so I simply ignore it. 

I make myself remember that not everything needs an opinion, comment or even suggestion. Try this simple task, when interacting with someone, something or even some place and you feel like it won't bring a positive exchange,  ignore it/ leave it alone. If you feel like it might and then see that it didn't, simply remove yourself from that situation and go to something more positive. It's honestly not that easy, especially for me since I can be extremely vocal, but, it's definitely done wonders for my sanity. I don't get upset over the people pushing my buttons, I just acknowledge that they're there and move on. If I'm feeling extremely positive, I'll try to interact to see if I can spread a little light into someone else's life but once I see that it doesn't, I move on. 


Doing this for the past three months so far, I've lost some people. I'm sad about it, yes but I know that in the end, it's for the best. I'm glad I'm able to hold on to the people that are in my life now. I'm also glad that I'm able to give new people a chance to see a less stressed out and chaotic version of myself.  One where I'm not so angry all the time, where I can laugh and smile while making others do the same or being in the company of new friends. I know a lot of people think this whole "positivity" train is crazy and not everyone can be happy 24-7 and they would be right. Not everyone can be happy 24-7 but everyone can make small changes to be less of an asshole in the world.